please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
