btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
