the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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