I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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