im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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