I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
