There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
