i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
