She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
