Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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