I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
