dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
They have beer where we have blood.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
