She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
