cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
