I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
