It's Friday. Sex?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
