Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
