I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
