Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
