Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
