dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
