Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am available for nakedness
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
