Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The air taste purple.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
