OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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