I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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