something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
