I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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