We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
