She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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