I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
