I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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