dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
