I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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