Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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