4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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