Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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