I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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