Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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