Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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