Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
