Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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