He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
