Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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