I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
