well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
