she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
