he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
