I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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