you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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