my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
