just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
