woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
