Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
