Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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