Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize