Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
