i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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