i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
