i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
