there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
