I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
