Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
