Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
