matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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