Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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