You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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