my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
